Rage against the Minivan: Help my coworker stay sane

"yamahog" (yamahog) 02/06/2014 at 22:05 • Filed to: None

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Moving to the automotive industry has been great for me so far, but believe it or not, not every engineer is a 'car guy.'

At lunch today, one of the non-car-guys was explaining to a recently married, very much a car guy coworker how practical their family minivan is: "You can fit two full couches in there, fold down the seats, take the kids and their friends everywhere!"

Second guy was not having it at all, joked around at first, then finally puts down his sandwich and says:

"Well, sweatpants are practical for a lot of things too, but there's a reason I'm wearing slacks."

The whole table collectively died. Cool story, me.

On that note, to stop Second Guy from worrying that children will relegate him to a life of minivan: What, in your humble oppo-pinions, are the best minivan alternatives in current production?

Requirements: Must baby, must adequately 'car guy' for mom and dad, must still be available new at the dealer and priced within reason for two engineers.

ihm96 > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:09

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Easy - CTS-V Wagon, E63 Wagon, RS6 Avant, etc. You could also just go with the base models of these as practical cars.

For Sweden > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:10

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TL;DR;PV

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:10

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how many kids? any reasonably sized sedan will be more than adequate for a family with 2 kids.

People think they need to carry half the house with them whenever they take a kid somewhere.

If they 'need' a minivan then they should get an Outback instead.

His Stigness > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:12

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Where do you work? I want to know what automaker employs people who advocate the minivan and aren't car guys.

 > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:14

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I've been trying to talk my dad out of a minivan for years. He still manages to find the appeal somehow. The kids are grown up, he rarely has more than 2 people in the car. Yet he keeps saying how it's the perfect vehicle since he can fit his bike in the back by folding down the seats. It's good on gas and it's comfortable.

I was trying to talk him into an SUV instead or a station wagon but gave up after a while. He will still buy what he wants regardless.

yamahog > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 02/06/2014 at 22:14

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Agree, the first person only has two kids, but minivan anyway.

Let's just say three future kids, and they currently have two beagles. And this is in Michigan. Honestly a bit curious about how many different variations on 'wagon' there are.

190e30-Now with COSWORTH > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:14

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Why substitute?

In all seriousness:

There was a GMC Yukon on Ebay recently that was swapped with a 600hp LSX, but it's gone now :(

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 02/06/2014 at 22:15

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but seriously though, that burn is possibly the greatest burn against minivans of all time. I shall use it and claim it as my own.

Aaron James > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:15

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If you have more than one kid, and want them to be happy on the trip to grandma's, do your whole family a favor and buy the wife a minivan. They have more room and get better gas mileage than a similar size SUV/CUV. I hate minivans but I love harmony and happy children.

Ramblin Rover - The Vivisector of Solihull > For Sweden 02/06/2014 at 22:15

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GJ,GG,PV,FTW

Reigntastic > For Sweden 02/06/2014 at 22:16

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All-wheel drive mid-engined supercharged goodness iirc

Aaron James > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 02/06/2014 at 22:16

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How many kids do you have?

yamahog > His Stigness 02/06/2014 at 22:16

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Spoiler alert: All of them do.

If it helps soothe your mind though, minivan advocate is working on minivan programs.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Aaron James 02/06/2014 at 22:21

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I had one.

yamahog > Aaron James 02/06/2014 at 22:24

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Luckily I have neither wife nor children, but in my coworker's case, his wife drives manual and rides a motorcycle and would be none too pleased with the minivan life either.

Textured Soy Protein > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:28

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"I don't want to drive a mommy mobile."

You know what makes you look like a parent? Your goddamned KIDS. It doesn't matter what vehicle they step out of with you. If the little bastards are coming along for the ride, news flash, people are going to know you have kids. What are you going to do, walk around with them and tell everyone who walks past that these aren't your kids, you're just watching them for your sister?

The best alternative to a minivan is...a fancier minivan.

Minivans are great at what they do. People whose vehicular needs are best met by a minivan but can't get over themselves and whine about having to drive a minivan, are only cheating themselves out of having the best possible tool for the job of ferrying around some brats and all the associated crap that comes along with them.

Minivans are awesome.

If anything, an engineer should appreciate a minivan for being so well-suited to its intended purpose.

Aaron James > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:29

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I never thought I'd endorse a minivan, but they are so comfortable, It's worth it to have one for the kids. Everyone is different though. It's not a bad thing to compromise for your kids.

Nibby > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:30

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/runs

Aaron James > Textured Soy Protein 02/06/2014 at 22:30

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You said it way better than I did.

Aaron James > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 02/06/2014 at 22:33

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I have two, and with the car seats and all the gadgets, a change of clothes and a diaper bag, It's really handy to have the room. The draw back is when they get older you have to cart all their friends around because you have the extra room. It's a great trip vehicle but it's easy to see why people don't want to daily drive them.

GhostZ > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:33

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Two sportscars with back seats and someone to drive the other one with the kids?

His Stigness > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:33

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What kind of engineer is this guy though?

Skif6996 > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:35

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Let me just say this... Minivans are awesome.
Flame suit aside, minivans really arent that bad. I tried talking my wife into a Pentastar minivan but she wouldn't go for it. No, they arent jalop but not every vehicle needs to be.

yamahog > His Stigness 02/06/2014 at 22:37

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She's worked at 2 of the Big 3 on various cars and products, but I believe her degree is in mechanical engineering.

d3v > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:41

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Wagon, diesel, stick.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Aaron James 02/06/2014 at 22:52

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unless it has sliding doors I see no advantage over a wagon. Even Camry's have massive boot space these days.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 22:53

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Outback then :P

Never has a manufacturer made a better all-round family car.

If only it had sliding doors for carparks and then it would be 100% perfect for every situation.

STREPITUS > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 23:09

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http://bit.ly/1gEruX3
Seats 7. Reasonably prices. 469 hp. And dat noise.

/done.

yamahog > STREPITUS 02/06/2014 at 23:15

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I know you're partial to Wagoneers, but given the current production stipulation:

Under $65k is reasonable, right? They throw in a track day too!

STREPITUS > yamahog 02/06/2014 at 23:27

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You also know I'm partial to wagons =P
But since you brought up the subject, tell him to snag this thing off the market for the time being, and sell it to me when he's done saving up for that SRT8 (and I sell my Miata).
http://ocala.craigslist.org/cto/4300643749…

Zibodiz > yamahog 02/07/2014 at 00:31

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I actually rather enjoy my wife's first-gen escape, and would take it over a minivan any day. The automatic 4WD is pretty cool, in the keeps-me-from-panicking-as-much-when-my-wife's-driving kinda way; it can kick on when you start to slide even at highway speeds and rectify the situation before you lose control. I've never driven a new Escape, but I imagine they're probably similar.

Of course for me, I drive an Escort wagon. The closest thing available today would be a Mazda3 5-door or a Focus wagon, neither of which I've driven, but both of which I like.

The Transporter > yamahog 02/07/2014 at 01:04

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There are 2 types of scientists/engineers: those who think that spending their free time calculating to the 50th significant digit the absolute maximum speed and precise path that a vehicle can move around a corner of a given radius and banking with a vehicle of a known mass, center of gravity, and known static and kinetic friction coefficients without exceeding the static friction coefficient is fun, and those who would much rather spend their free time finding out by trial and error.

LuczOr > yamahog 02/07/2014 at 01:24

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Subaru Forester XT Sport.

Absolutely affordable for an engineer, great mpg (if you keep your foot out of it) and a turbocharged, flat 4, AWD hooner-mobile for when the baby and the wife aren't around.

orcim > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 02/07/2014 at 04:15

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The minivan has never been about what you need to fit in it. Using my packing fu, I can use almost anything to travel with the fam.

What I get with the minivan though, is the total absence of time/energy spent packing. I open the back, throw in, close the back. Done. That's "minivan" to me. There is nothing else in my experience of those things. (Of course, I abuse the snot out of mine. Surfing, home depot runs, etc.) I put a high value on getting minutes and hours of my life back, even at the cost of looking like a dork.

xx45xx > yamahog 02/07/2014 at 07:45

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anything but boring.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > yamahog 02/07/2014 at 08:01

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If you can get out of the whole "Take the entire house with me because I took my kid somewhere" mindset, a Mini Countryman isn't the worst choice in the world. You could even go smaller and get a Clubman.

They do baby (saw a few families at the dealer when I was buying mine) and it's quite reasonable to run and buy for two engineers.

Unless you get a JCW. But I'd hope your kids car seat says Recaro on it then.

His Stigness > yamahog 02/07/2014 at 10:23

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I would have assumed that mechanical engineers, or other engineers involved in the mechanical bits would be into cars, or something of that nature, otherwise why would you be working on them?

yamahog > His Stigness 02/07/2014 at 10:37

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You'd think, but a mechanical engineering degree is widely available and usually pretty versatile. Out here in Michigan, an engineer is practically destined for the auto industry if they want to make a living regardless of personal interest. Also, you don't need a car guy to design door handles and all the other less glamorous stuff.

His Stigness > yamahog 02/07/2014 at 18:24

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Very true, I forgot that "mechanical" can mean many other things besides things that are designed to handle explosions.